vanillanostalgia

When I was a little girl, I always thought that one day I would meet my Prince Charming. Then I grew up… became a woman (hahaha) and started to be interested in pirates. You know, leather boots, open cotton shirt, the smell of the sea and a hint of sweet rum in his breath.

Then I grew up a bit more and had to face an important fact:

Prince Charmings are boring, pirates are dangerous (aka a disaster)!

Smart people would say: „Why don´t you settle for one in the middle?

Well, smart people obviously met their sweethearts in high school, got married and never even questioned their relationship to one another. Well I did… and I still do. I question everything.

My boyfriends, my relationships, myself.

This makes everything quite difficult. So in the end you decide to settle for Prince Charming anyway, despite yourself, because you rather have a boring stable live with a nice guy than always feeling the urge to kill the pirate for being so freedom obsessed and not giving a damn about your wishes and needs.

Here is a scoop for you:

Prince Charmings are actually looking for female pirates, or mermaids, or Greek goddesses. … I am none of the above.

I can take only so much of adventure and I certainly cannot wear leather boots when it’s hot. Ever seen a pirate in flip flops? I can´t sing and my hair is too short to cover my non-perfect / non-mermaid-like breasts. I don´t look Greek and my only special power is to look too cute.

Believe me, too cute is never good. Cute but sexy at the same time is perfect. But only cute makes you that nice girl that could be fun if she wouldn´t sit around at home all the time and wear weird dresses with grandma-like lace collars (Peter Pan dresses). Too sexy isn´t good either because they seem too sluty. At least they get laid… apparently.

In my ideal scenario I  would pick Erol Flynn in that pirate movie where he kidnaps the daughter of the governor of Port Royal, falls in love with her (Hello Stockholm Syndrome) and in the end… becomes the new governor of Port Royal.

Never gonna happen.

So what does one do?

I don´t know… Buy a puppy? Get drunk? (I tried that one – not working!) Try online dating? (miserable failure) Focus on something else?  Actually, I am doing this right now… but there is that bloody inner voice that keeps crawling up on me, complaining  about feeling lonely etc. Then my rational voice steps in and they end up arguing… in the end no one wins because there is no solution. But finally I will end up with a brilliant career and a tea-cup pig… in leather boots.

One thought for the road:

“Catch me, catch me, catch me if you can … 
I run really fast, I’m the gingerbread man!” 

Tags: gingerbread man, Love, Piracy, pirate, Port Royal, Prince Charming, Relationships