I am sorry you haven’t heard from me in while…
Well, what can I say, when you are busy during the day that still leaves the night
So many things to tell you… no idea where to start…
No idea, actually, if it is of any interest…
Well I will give you a quick insight of my thoughts, and you can decide for yourself if you want to keep on reading or wait till I com up with something better.
I am still in Paris and within a week we have gone from heat wave to bloody cold and rainy. I am freezing my butt of. With automn comes another problem (besides uni and work): I am fashionably bored.
Seriously, I never know what to wear. It´s the kind of weather where you have to decide between pretty or practical. Living with a fashion icon also kind of puts me under pressure and believe me…. that girl is never cold, no matter what!
The next thing is that I am still not used to the rythm of the city: I am exhausted! All the time
I keep running around, work a lot, go to uni, meet friends, walk the dog ( yeah there is a dog…)…
An then there is Gingerbread Boy…
What can I tell you about GBB…? Well, it´s actualy nice to sneak out and be 15 again… though it has a nice grown up depth. It feels nice to have somebody smile at you when you wake up in the morning, somebody who rushes after you when you storm out of a bar because you are upset, somebody who dances with you, somebody who just looks at you and you feel serene and alright, somebody who sings all the time and you end up thinking that your life is a bloody musical…
I am cold. I really am… though something inside of me is flickering up and it is my lucky guess that this littel thing will keep me warm from the inside…
When I was a little girl, I always thought that one day I would meet my Prince Charming. Then I grew up… became a woman (hahaha) and started to be interested in pirates. You know, leather boots, open cotton shirt, the smell of the sea and a hint of sweet rum in his breath.
Then I grew up a bit more and had to face an important fact:
Prince Charmings are boring, pirates are dangerous (aka a disaster)!
Smart people would say: „Why don´t you settle for one in the middle?
Well, smart people obviously met their sweethearts in high school, got married and never even questioned their relationship to one another. Well I did… and I still do. I question everything.
My boyfriends, my relationships, myself.
This makes everything quite difficult. So in the end you decide to settle for Prince Charming anyway, despite yourself, because you rather have a boring stable live with a nice guy than always feeling the urge to kill the pirate for being so freedom obsessed and not giving a damn about your wishes and needs.
Here is a scoop for you:
Prince Charmings are actually looking for female pirates, or mermaids, or Greek goddesses. … I am none of the above.
I can take only so much of adventure and I certainly cannot wear leather boots when it’s hot. Ever seen a pirate in flip flops? I can´t sing and my hair is too short to cover my non-perfect / non-mermaid-like breasts. I don´t look Greek and my only special power is to look too cute.
Believe me, too cute is never good. Cute but sexy at the same time is perfect. But only cute makes you that nice girl that could be fun if she wouldn´t sit around at home all the time and wear weird dresses with grandma-like lace collars (Peter Pan dresses). Too sexy isn´t good either because they seem too sluty. At least they get laid… apparently.
In my ideal scenario I would pick Erol Flynn in that pirate movie where he kidnaps the daughter of the governor of Port Royal, falls in love with her (Hello Stockholm Syndrome) and in the end… becomes the new governor of Port Royal.
Never gonna happen.
So what does one do?
I don´t know… Buy a puppy? Get drunk? (I tried that one – not working!) Try online dating? (miserable failure) Focus on something else? Actually, I am doing this right now… but there is that bloody inner voice that keeps crawling up on me, complaining about feeling lonely etc. Then my rational voice steps in and they end up arguing… in the end no one wins because there is no solution. But finally I will end up with a brilliant career and a tea-cup pig… in leather boots.
One thought for the road:
“Catch me, catch me, catch me if you can …
I run really fast, I’m the gingerbread man!”