Every once in a while a friend will ask you a favour.
Generally you expect something like helping to move furniture, moral support or pet sitting (no way!!!) but never ever would I have expected speed dating.
Right or wrong: facts about speed dating:
- Speed dating is only for desperate people in their forties: Wrong
- It´s ok to go speed dating when you are in a relationship: I don´t know but I feel bad anyway and funnily enough, only one guy out of ten asked me if I was actually single.
- It´s a good way to meet people: It is actually. Because, according to studies, you need only ten seconds to decide if you like a person or not. Spending up to five minutes with a person you don´t know gives him / her and you enough time / room for a second chance.
So… before speed dating starts you obviously spend some time at the bar to check out the men… and the competition (I feel old, I wanna get out of here).
The place looks dirty and when I ask the bartender for a glass of red wine he doesn´t ask me what kind of wine … but if I wanted coke in it!!!
I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!
… and then he serves me the wine (I guess he just assumed I liked my wine pure after shriek of indignation) in a … drum-roll… plastic cup!!!
Forgive me, but there are only three moments in life when a plastic cup is ok:
- At a picnic
- At a music festival or concert
- At a private party when the host is obviously scared for his glasses or to lazy (I can relate to that) to wash the dishes
This whole plastic cup situation has led me to two conclusions and a question:
Conclusion 1: I am too old for this.
Question: Am I too spoiled or is this really just not acceptable?
Conclusion 2: I wanna get out of here!
The bell rings and it is too late to get out of there. In the meantime I have decided to settle for a beer… in a glass bottle and sit down at my table.
Speed dating starts with shots. Maybe to loosen up, maybe it is to make people more attractive. It´s chemical peach liquor. I feel like 13 again… but in a bad way.
Candidate n°1: Luckily, he was charming and quite good looking even if not my type. In the end he admitted to study medecin. Note for all the guys out there: not every girl will fall for you, just because you are about to be a doctor. When you are a doctor, you can meet two types of girls:
- Type1: „You are a doctor??? Wow! Great status, money… marry me!!!“
- Type2: „You are a doctor??? Wow! Lots of time spend in hospital, overhours, lots of time spend alone and all I´m left with is your credit card to occupy myself… no thanks!“
Candidate n°2: Gorgeous, tanned, light eyes, creative. There are two types of creative (I know that I am generalizing here, but that´s the whole point): the ones who actually have a real talent and embrace their skills to actually (try to) make a living out of their passion… and the ones who think that beeing generally not productive, having part-time jobs and playing the guitar in the parc will help them get laid. Next!
Candidate n°3: Wants to travel through America, plays the guitar (hello clichee again), loves heavy metal… and something about his whole attitude told me that I was supposed tob e impressed about it.
Candidate n°4: likes burgers and science. Me too, but I am afraid this might not be enough to create a dream couple. Besides, I tend to feel less feminine with a guy who´s hair is longer than mine.
Candidate n°5: My friend who dragged me here. I spent the whole 5 minutes teasing and insulting him, he thought it was hilarious.
Candidate n°6: He was nice. Period.
Candidate n°7: Spend 5 minutes listing names of people we knew in common. Unfortunately, it was the wrong people.
Candidate n°8: Likes to do sport or should I say is obsessed with sports. I am not. I am more the couch potatoe movie type..
Candidate n°9: Cute Italien guy with a gorgeous accent and a good sense of humor. If I had a younger sister I totally would have hoocked her up.
Candidate n°10: Quite nice and very selfconfident. Maybe a little too much, the kind of guy who insists on bying you drinks even though you have told him three timest hat you do NOT drink apple liquor. The kind of guy you spend the rest of the night getting rid of. Why do some people turn Mr Hyde on you when they are drunk?
It was very interesting trying to figure out who was sitting in front of me and spending the remaining 4 ½ minutes trying to be the ideal woman for that very person. I spend the rest of my social experiment beeing the speed-dating shrink. Obviously, when you tell people that you are not interested, they wanna know why. But here is the thing: if you are honest and authentic, you can´t do anything wrong, or at least, if it is not appreciated, you know that you have the wrong person sitting in front of you.
Last note for the guys out there:
To quote ´playing the guitar and travelling´as main occupations to a girl/woman over 25 does NOT make you sexy. It makes you hopeless and she will probably think that you still live with your mother…